New Year, New Me!

I am welcoming 2010 with Big HUGE wide open arms!

I am super excited that 2009 has ended and that a new year has begun. I gained a lot in 2009 and am very thankful for such an educational year, however 2010 is a new clean crisp year where I can take what I learned and grow more.

I am not the type of person who makes resolutions and doesn't follow thru on them...I just don't typically make resolutions so I don't fail. This year however, I have a few resolutions and am going to try my hardest to stick with them. Sticking with them is going to only better the future for myself and my son.

Shakira's song "Give it Up to Me" is my new favorite song. With the following lyrics, I am going to sing/listen to this every time I need to be reminded....

I want the best and the best things in life are free

You can have it all

Anything you want you can make it yours

Anything you want in the world

Anything you want in the world

Give it up to me

Nothing too big or small

Anything you want you can make it yours

Anything you want in the world

Anything you want in the world

Give it up to me

What you get is exactly what you give

Never really know until you try

We're so ahead of this

Got this she wolf appetite that keeps me up all night

You know the way it works don't be afraid to ask

Aim high when the target is low

FYI I am ready to go

They say that to be effective at your new years resolutions you need to take them in baby steps (i.e. walk 5 minutes each day and work up from there) and not set the goal too high. They also say writting them down helps people keep them as you are committed at that point to do it. So for 2010 my resolutions are:

• Focus on me (this may sound selfish, but if I am not happy with myself than my life with others won't be a happy one)
• Eat better (bring breakfast and lunch to work, eat healthier dinners and drink more water)
• Excercise weekly (Atleast 4 times a week for atleast 30 minutes a day to start and build up from there)
• Become better with finances (I need to focus more on my future and less on the non necessities in life. With this I will bring breakfast and lunch to work, stop shopping aimlessly and have a strict budget to follow. I need to do this for my future.)

All of these resolutions are crucial to my future and my happiness. I have forgotten about myself for so long and am just not comfortable with how I look and where I am in life. Following thru on my 4 resolutions will help me feel better in my own skin, make my future a better place and make my life a happier place to be in. I am truly motivated to do these steps and to keep up with them. I am motivated to make my life (and my sons) a better place and my (our) future an even better place.

Take a step back

““Live your life as though there is great joy to be experienced......an abundance of goodness in each person you come in contact with, and the knowledge that you have enough inner wisdom to answer the mysteries thatchallenge you.”

~ Meladee McCarty

Every now and again I think everyone needs to take a step back and remember that what they have in life is a gift. I think people take things in life for granted far too much and fail to remember that others may not be as fortunate as them. I am not saying that I am perfect and that I am always right, because I too need to be reminded that I have many precious gifts that not all others have in life. I may not have my own home, I may not have all the new things in techonology out there, I may not have all the money in the world...but what I do have is my health, my son/family and my pride. I have a roof over my head. I have a job that brings in the money for the bills. I have food to put on the table. I have clothes to keep me warm. I have a child who I am oh so grateful for and can't imagine life without. I have far more than others have and am grateful for everything.

Recently there was an 18 year old male who was in the news. His name is Taylor aka Teddy and he was found dead one morning at the beginning of Dec. I am not a friend of the family, I honestly don't know them but this story was in the paper and for some reason it just hit home. This poor family just lost their child. They will no longer be able to talk to him, hear him, see him and taht is just rather sad to me. This family had the "rug pulled out from under them" that morning and how do you overcome such a tragedy?

Two years ago another families life was interuppted when their 8 year old passed due to a horrific accident at home. Jaiden feel off some snowy steps and into a working snowblower. Jaiden fought a good fight for 25 days but ended up succumbing to death. I, again, don't know this family either but was moved when I read the story 2 years ago and have followed the organization her family has put together in order to help others. How do you cotinue on when you have lost a child? How do you just go on with life?

I honestly can't imagine a day without my son. I can't imagine my life without him. I don't know if I would be able to go on if something were to ever happen to him. He is not only my son but he is my best friend. He is who makes my days go and who can ease my mind when it is troubled. My son is who helps me take a step back and remember that life isn't to complex and that things are a gift and not to take them for granted. Looking at life thru his eyes brings me back down and reminds me that life can be simple and easy, to take things minute by minute and along the way there are plenty of learning lessons.

"Don't take things for granted and hug your loved ones every chance you get"

~ Patrick Stump

Every year at work, I conduct an Operation Santa type of thing. We adopt families from a "non profit agency that is dedicated to helping victims and survivors of domestic and sexual violence". I take pride in helping familes during the holiday season have a brighter holiday and give them smiles that day. Coworkers are asked to either donate money (however much they are able to) or adopt a child. I collect the money and go shopping for all that were not adopted bt coworkers. Not only do I take pride in doing this, but I bring Camdon along with me to do shopping as a lesson that people aren't as fortunate as us and that is nice to help others. I don't want Camdon growing up not thinking of others and knowing that helping out and donating time, money or items is that right thing to do.

This year I also did the Thanksgiving food donation for the Nashua Soup Kitchen. I had boxes at the entraces of each seciton on my office for people to donate any can goods or non-perishable items they had to donate. I also collected money from those who didn't want to go to the grocery store. I took Camdon shopping with me, to teach him that not everyone has dinner on their table like we do, not everyone has food in their cabinets to eat like we do, not everyone is as fortunate as us. When Camdon gets older I plan on taking him with me to donate time once a month at the Soup Kitchen so that he can learn to not take everything for granted and be appreciative of everything he has.

Now a days it seems that kids are not being reminded that life is a gift and things are earned not just given to people. Kids now a days just expect that they will get the most up to date techonolgical advancements, they will get whatever they ask for and they won't hear the word NO from their parents. I was brought up by a single mom who taugh all of us that you get what you earn. Things were never handed to us on a silver platter and we had to do chores and work for the "finer" things in life. I do not want my child thinking that he should have everything and anything. I want him to learn that you need to work for things and that "toys" in life are not free. Things are expensive and everything costs something.

Isa 55:8: “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways”

Halloween 2009

Super Cam!
Tinkerbelle, Witch, Super Cam, Bumblebee

3 Best Friends

What a heavy bag full of candy (mind you he ate maybe 3 things out of there and I just threw it away).

Tired boy from all that Trick or Treating!!!

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas....

...even though it may not seem like it will be in less than 3 weeks. My shopping is done for Camdon, but I still have about 10 more people to buy for. Monday is not easy to come by right now...but I am doing what I have to do to make sure that Christmas will be fun for my little man and show him that it isn't all about presents but about being with the ones you love and grateful for what you do have in life. Yesterday into last night it snowed for the first, no wait make that the 2nd official time this season. The accumulation wasn't that bad to shovel and it wasn't too cold out, this is the type of snowfalls I like......just enough to cover the ground and look beautiful but not too much to make it a hassle to clean up from. Camdon is really into playing outside this year and was super excited that his boots from last year still fit this year so he could come outside and help me clean up the drive way and play in the snow.

Soda, Pop, Tonic, Fizzy Drinks

Communication is a staple item in our every day activities. No matter where you are or what you are doing, there is some sort of communication. It could be verbal (English, Spanish, French, etc), sign language, code language, etc. The worlds you are using could be slang or proper, they could have an accent to someone and not to others. Depending on where you go, depends on how people say things. In New England we call "Coke" soda. In Pennsylvania they call it pop and in other parts of the US it is called tonic. Australia, amongst other places in the world, calls it fizzy drinks.

When we have children we are the ones that have to teach them how to act, how to say things, how to use things, etc. You hope and pray that you do an amazing job teaching them and that they pick things up without a single problem. I never would have guessed that my child at the age of 3 wasn't speaking at the level he should be, or so I thought. At Camdon's 3 year check up I was referred to take him to get a speech evaluation by his pediatrician. Because I like to be proactive and not reactive I decided why not go and see what they have to say. I would rather work on any problems now than to have to correct anything when he is in elementary school and having difficulties.

Tuesday, October 6th Camdon had his 2 hour speech evaluation. I was absolutely petrified to go, I just didn't want them to say his speech issue is due to my parenting (which I knew wasn't what they would say, but still you never want to hear your child's "issue" is due to your parenting). I was scared that Camdon wouldn't talk when we got there and he would just clam up and attach himself to my hip. Camdon did just the opposite, he was comfortable and cooperative for the most part. He did well during the evaluation and worked with the therapist. After spending a little over an hour there the therapist concluded that Camdon, who is 3 years 5 months, is speaking at a 3 year 11 month boy level. I was so relieved that he was speaking in an average rating and that he doesn't have to continue with speech therapy.

I received a copy of the evaluation in the mail yesterday and am pleased to read what she put in there and relieved that I have it all in writing. My child may not speak the clearest words right now, but for the most part you can understand him and each day I see improvements in his speech.

Planning isn't always the way to go

Is your husband....(fill in the blank)?

Why is it that people always assume that if you have a child you are automatically married? I totally understand that the "proper" way to start a family is to get married, get a house and have children. Realistically it doesn't always happen like that. Life isn't always a fairy tale and things happen to make the "perfect" life not so "perfect".

I didn't plan my life to be the way it is. I did not plan on meeting a guy at a bar (which at first we didn't really like each other at all and only talked because our friends were interested in each other). I didn't plan on getting in a relationship with what I thought was a great guy with my son's father. I didn't plan on getting pregnant unexpectedly. I didn't plan on having to go thru my pregnancy alone because my father's son was either "out with friends" or in jail towards the end. I did not plan on living the drama life I lived while with my son's father. I did not plan on being a single mom with no help whats so ever. I did not plan!

I may not have planned any of the things that happened to me in my life these past few years, but I would NOT change any of them for anything. I may not have planned any of these things BUT I did choose them in the end. I did choose to have a relationship (not such a good one but I always held hope). I did choose to keep MY baby when I found out I was pregnant. I did choose to stand by my son's father thru all the cheating, lying, drugs, alcohol, jail, etc heartache I was put thru. I did choose to finally one day wake up walk away from a situation that wasn't healthy for not only my life BUT most importantly MY sons life. I made the decision to do this parenting thing on my own!

I am not married! I am not embarrassed by the fact that I am doing this ALONE! I am not jealous of what "I don't have". I am not part of the perfect life, but my life is my life and I wouldn't have it any other way. I wouldn't be the person I am today if I didn't go thru the challenges I have faced. I would not appreciate my life and what I have as much as I do if I didn't have to struggle and work for all that I have.

My son is MY life. My son is a product of MY life. I am the one who has gone thru the ear infections, the colds, the long nights, the burned hands, the lack of sleep and all that comes with having a child. I am the one that gets to see my son smile, learn things and feel the love that he has to give.

Please stop assuming that when there is a child involved that there is automatically a husband/wife. Please just know that this child you are looking at is getting the best life that he can be given and who is loved more than anyone will ever know. Please know that this child gets everything he needs in his life and more. Please know that this child you are staring at has so many people (men and women) there for him that he will never be without.

Please know there is not a day that goes by that I do not worry if walking away was the best decision I made. There is not a day that goes by that I don't worry about what my son will think when he gets older. There is not a day that goes by that I do not think about the day that my son stops me and wants to know why everyone else has a mom and dad. There is not a day that goes by that I am not having some sort of thought about my son's future because of the chooses I made running thru my head. Some may not agree with the decisions I made, however they are the one's I made and I am the one that has to be able to sleep at night with them (which I can).

I am the lucky one because I have MY son in MY life (and I tell him that all the time....so much that now when we are in the car he says to me "Mama you are lucky" and I say "Why am I lucky?" in which he responds "because you have me in your life"). My life may not be the way I planned it to be, but sometimes things happen for a certain reason and I am happy they do.

Not Me! Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Are you ashamed for getting excited to have the house all to yourself for 2 weeks? Are you embarrassed that your child had a melt down at the grocery store when you were checking out? Are you hoping that while you sit with your hair all covered in dye that no one will come to your door? Well don't be! Not Me! Monday was born out of MckMama's desire to admit some of her imperfections and reveal a few moments she'd rather forget. You may find it therapeutic to join in and do the same thing!

I did not give my child donuts 2 days in a row because I wasn't in much of a mood to make him breakfast. Nope not me, I would never allow him to eat so unhealthy.

I did not listen to my pregnant friend and get her clothes for her shower from a consignment shop. I would never buy second hand (really adorable) clothes for a new born baby even if the mother asked me to.

I did not see someone at a store and totally go out of my way not to make contact with them. I would never be so rude and childish, even if the person would keep me talking forever about her pity party she is having.

I did not act childish and get all upset and hurt when I received a text this morning, come to find out it was sent by someone else by mistake. I wouldn't get so upset when I am just friends with this person and have no expectations of anything else.

I did not turn about 8 shades of red when I was asked how tall my husband was (when trying to figure out where Camdon gets his height). I would never feel like I was a deer caught in headlights when asked that question because I am not embarrassed to be a single mom. I would never feel as if I am the ONLY one in this world that has a child without being married, because that just doesn't happen these days. (I am proud to be a single mom and have as much as I have. It isn't an easy task but I am grateful for my son and what I have accomplished the past 4 years).