Just like playing chess, need to figure out the next move....

I have never played chess or had a desire to learn how to play it, but I do know that you are constantly searching for your next move to get thru the game. Sometimes I feel like my life is a game (The Game of Life) and I am constantly battling what the next move is. Sometimes I make the right move, sometimes I make the smart move and get the go ahead 5 spaces, and sometimes I make not so smart move and have to return to START. No matter which move I get, I learn and go onto the next possible move I can make to get to the end of the game. There is no one to compete against, except myself, and there is no one to prove anything to. For most of it there is no clock to beat.

I have been playing the same game for at least 3 years now. I have been battling with the fact that I am the only one on the birth certificate for my amazing son. For the longest time I had the hardest time dealing with the fact that Sleeping Beauty didn't sign it and wasn't on it. For the longest time I worried about what people would think when they found out he wasn't on it. For the longest time I wondered what this meant for the future. I can finally say that my shoulders have a little less weight on them knowing that due to Sleeping Beauty's decision not to sign the paperwork, rights to my amazing son are at the level of ZERO for him. Many steps would need to be taken to get any rights to him and too much money, that he doesn't have since he is constantly unemployed, would need to be spent on this battle.

Phew! What a relief that is....but now I have a few more decisions I need to make. Do I continue on my battle or do I leave it where it is in hopes nothing comes out of the woodwork? Either way there are pro's and there are con's, it is just comparing the pro's and con's to see which is more valuable to my son and my future life. So for now I will leave it at that.....gosh being a responsible parent is not as easy as people think, but I wouldn't trade it for anything.

It may be tough, but in the end it is all worth it!

I know we all have heard and sometimes use the say "Time flies when your having fun", but I can't really believe how fast time has flown the past 3 years.

For 3 years I have been a single mom, by choice, but yet a single mom. For 3 years I have watched my son learn and discover everything he possibly could. For 3 years I have never said "I can't wait until Camdon can (fill in the blank)". I have never wanted to push my child to do anything and have never wanted to rush one milestone to get to the next....but let me tell you this week I am ready to move onto the next thing. If I hear "I do it myself" 1 more time I am going to scream. "I do it" is now the phrase we use when getting dressed, changing clothes, putting in a movie, turning something on, getting food/drinks, etc. "I do it" and I will cry and whine when it doesn't work and will refuse to let you help me.

I love my son and I wouldn't for the life of me turn back time and change any decision I have made for him. He is my pride and joy, he is my rock, he is what keeps me going on a daily basis. My son is my best friend and bearer of unconditional love. I am not saying it hasn't been easy...in fact it has been the opposite. Being a parent is a daily challenge but being a single parent who works 40+ hours a week is even more of a challenge. Even though I am challenged every day, I am rewarded even more by the smile, the hug, the kiss, the ability to spend time together and most of all the ability to watch something brand new being learned.

I love you Camdon. I am proud of who you have become in these 3 years and I am very much appreciative of what you have taught your mama.