Just don't understand why

*****caution serious topic of conversation*****

I don't understand Suicide. I really just don't understand it. I know that people aren't thinking in a rational state of mind when contemplating this serious decision. I know that they aren't thinking about what others are feeling because they are too caught up in what they are feeling. I just don't understand how the thought of suicide even pops into someones head.

I recently had a friend, that I have known since elementary school, commit suicide and tonight was his wake/service. Saying goodbye to someone who was an amazing person so soon in life was hard. I may not have been close to him over the years, however it doesn't make him any less important. He now leaves behind a mother, father, brother, sister, 2 children and other family members who have to come to terms with why this happened. Was there something they could have done? Signs they missed showing he was going to do this? 2 sons who are going to grow up without a dad now. A best friend who will never get the image of that morning out of his head. Friends who will never get to laugh one last time.

I have had times of being really really down, where nothing seems like it is going to get better and they are just going to get worse. I have had my periods where I don't want to get out of bed, don't want to talk to ANYONE, don't want to eat, sleep or be awake. However, my son is what keeps me going each day. His love and life is worth way too much for me to give up on anything and take my own life. I can't imagine what his life would be like if I were to ever take my own life. What challenges would he face as he got older, dealing with the fact that I took my own life. I just can't imagine.

I know that no one will ever know why Doyle, or anyone, would take their own life. I know that the only person who will ever understand is the person who took their life. For what ever reason it happened, it did happen and there is no changing that. We can only hold the person in our thoughts and keep the memories alive by never forgetting them.

Doyle, where ever you are. I hope that you are no longer hurting and are at peace. I hope that you will continue to watch over your family and protect those 2 boys from up above. I hope that you have found Matt and the 2 of you are keeping each other company. You will be missed and never forgotten. You were one amazing person with the heart of gold and the ability to make everyone laugh.

RIP Doyle