As I sit here and watch Camdon, honestly just sit and stare at him, it makes me a little sad. My baby is no longer a baby, he is no longer totally relying on his momma for everything. He is learning more and more everyday and becoming more and more independent as the days go on. I wish I could take him and put him in a bottle so I could keep him little forever, but that is realistically not happening. I am impressed every day by him, he is learning so much each day and talking up a storm now. Some of the words that come out of his mouth are the cutest words (Sassisan = Madison, Pupcapes = pancakes, picles = popsicles, etc) and I know that eventually they too will disappear.
I am so fortunate to have Camdon as my son, my child, my everything. Without him in my life, I wouldn't be any where near where I am today. I am a firm believer that God does everything for a reason, sometimes we may not know why at first but eventually it all comes together. I believe everything happens for a reason, and sometimes those "things" are hard to process. I wasn't trying to get pregnant when I happened to. I was shocked, nervous, emotional, scared, terrified and unsure what to do. I had known from the get go that his father wasn't going to be around, even though I hung on for as long as I did and I would be doing this on my own. I tried to make it work and hoped that one day things would change and he would grow up. I am partially sad that it didn't work out, not because I want him in my life but because my son will not have both his parents together (never mind that he won't see his father).
I am partially happy I am a single parent. It may be one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my life, but is the most rewarding thing. Being a single parent is nice in the aspect that I don't have to worry about parenting styles being different, fighting/arguing, worrying about 3 people and how to get by. It is also challenging since I have to find a babysitter just to go to the corner store, I can never sleep in because someone else will be there to walk up and take care of Camdon, I don't have a tag team to just walk away when I get frustrated. Even with the negatives, the POSITIVES still over power the negatives and I wouldn't change it.
Camdon is going to be 3 years old in 1 week and 1 day. This time of the year always gets me down....not really sure why, but it does. I have been in a funk all day and even cried during the day. I think I have a hard time with the fact that most people are having another baby at this point and I am not....no where near it. I don't have the family that most have and it makes me sad. As I am sitting here typing this, Camdon is sitting on my lap with me.....THIS MAKES MY DAY SO MUCH BETTER AND THE GLOOMY PART IS FORGOTTEN.
Ideally I would like to find someone to spend the rest of my life with. Someone who not only makes me feel amazing, but that can make Camdon feel just as good. I know that some day I will have someone in my life, some day I will have another child and some day my life with be as I have always dreamed it to be. Until that day I am grateful for what I do have. I have a job, I have my health, I have friends and family that love and support me. I have many true blessings in my life but the main thing I do have is MY SON! My wonderful, amazing child who loves unconditionally and reminds me every day that things really aren't that bad.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Happiness
What exactly is happiness? Is it a warm summer day? A perfect life? Money? Love? Family?
For each person it is different and for some they just don't know what happiness is and never will. Some people out there just aren't aware of how to gain happiness and I don't know if they ever will. Sad to say those people are the ones that are lost in this world, and unfortunately could have everything in the world but would still not be happy. Happiness should be so simple and over flowing in our lives. Be grateful for what you have because someone out there has it worse off. The grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence. You don't know what you have until it is gone.
How do we learn what happiness is? Is it by watching elders as we are growing up? Is it built into our DNA?
I think some people don't ever want to be happy, so they live thier life the way they do each day and live to complain. Some people don't know how to change out of this lifestyle and get stuck in it.....or enjoy the attention they gain, no matter how negative it is.
I truly believe that happiness is different to each person. It can be something different each day, but in the end it should be something simple that can ge reached each day. I think we all forget that out there people don't have the things that we do. In the world, there are people out there who don't have homes, cars, money, food on thier table for each and every meal....out there are people who don't have thier health, thier family's health, a job...A JOB, in which we all take for granted. With the way things are running right now in the world....a job is a HUGE thing to have. Sadly enough a job is what makes our lives survive in this world. A job gives us money to pay the bills, get the necessities and have some fun when we can. People are loosing thier jobs left and right. Economically the US in having a tough time so people are being let go. Stress over loosing a job is causing health issues, which cost money to take care of or even can do more damamge and make you unable to work. It is a vicious cycle out there.....when is it all going to stop. Is someone trying to show us that we took for granted the things we had and this is how they are showing us? Are we getting PUNK'd? Everyone is feeling the affets of this econcomy....everyone is having a harder time finding happiness.....we all need to stand together and support each other, in the end hopefully everyone can find happiness.
I guess I just wish EVERYONE could find one thing to make them happy and keep them happy. Of course we are all going to have our ups and downs....but we need to have more ups than downs or we aren't going to be able to survive in this world we live in.
For each person it is different and for some they just don't know what happiness is and never will. Some people out there just aren't aware of how to gain happiness and I don't know if they ever will. Sad to say those people are the ones that are lost in this world, and unfortunately could have everything in the world but would still not be happy. Happiness should be so simple and over flowing in our lives. Be grateful for what you have because someone out there has it worse off. The grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence. You don't know what you have until it is gone.
How do we learn what happiness is? Is it by watching elders as we are growing up? Is it built into our DNA?
I think some people don't ever want to be happy, so they live thier life the way they do each day and live to complain. Some people don't know how to change out of this lifestyle and get stuck in it.....or enjoy the attention they gain, no matter how negative it is.
I truly believe that happiness is different to each person. It can be something different each day, but in the end it should be something simple that can ge reached each day. I think we all forget that out there people don't have the things that we do. In the world, there are people out there who don't have homes, cars, money, food on thier table for each and every meal....out there are people who don't have thier health, thier family's health, a job...A JOB, in which we all take for granted. With the way things are running right now in the world....a job is a HUGE thing to have. Sadly enough a job is what makes our lives survive in this world. A job gives us money to pay the bills, get the necessities and have some fun when we can. People are loosing thier jobs left and right. Economically the US in having a tough time so people are being let go. Stress over loosing a job is causing health issues, which cost money to take care of or even can do more damamge and make you unable to work. It is a vicious cycle out there.....when is it all going to stop. Is someone trying to show us that we took for granted the things we had and this is how they are showing us? Are we getting PUNK'd? Everyone is feeling the affets of this econcomy....everyone is having a harder time finding happiness.....we all need to stand together and support each other, in the end hopefully everyone can find happiness.
I guess I just wish EVERYONE could find one thing to make them happy and keep them happy. Of course we are all going to have our ups and downs....but we need to have more ups than downs or we aren't going to be able to survive in this world we live in.
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