Blessed

As I sit here and watch Camdon, honestly just sit and stare at him, it makes me a little sad. My baby is no longer a baby, he is no longer totally relying on his momma for everything. He is learning more and more everyday and becoming more and more independent as the days go on. I wish I could take him and put him in a bottle so I could keep him little forever, but that is realistically not happening. I am impressed every day by him, he is learning so much each day and talking up a storm now. Some of the words that come out of his mouth are the cutest words (Sassisan = Madison, Pupcapes = pancakes, picles = popsicles, etc) and I know that eventually they too will disappear.

I am so fortunate to have Camdon as my son, my child, my everything. Without him in my life, I wouldn't be any where near where I am today. I am a firm believer that God does everything for a reason, sometimes we may not know why at first but eventually it all comes together. I believe everything happens for a reason, and sometimes those "things" are hard to process. I wasn't trying to get pregnant when I happened to. I was shocked, nervous, emotional, scared, terrified and unsure what to do. I had known from the get go that his father wasn't going to be around, even though I hung on for as long as I did and I would be doing this on my own. I tried to make it work and hoped that one day things would change and he would grow up. I am partially sad that it didn't work out, not because I want him in my life but because my son will not have both his parents together (never mind that he won't see his father).

I am partially happy I am a single parent. It may be one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my life, but is the most rewarding thing. Being a single parent is nice in the aspect that I don't have to worry about parenting styles being different, fighting/arguing, worrying about 3 people and how to get by. It is also challenging since I have to find a babysitter just to go to the corner store, I can never sleep in because someone else will be there to walk up and take care of Camdon, I don't have a tag team to just walk away when I get frustrated. Even with the negatives, the POSITIVES still over power the negatives and I wouldn't change it.

Camdon is going to be 3 years old in 1 week and 1 day. This time of the year always gets me down....not really sure why, but it does. I have been in a funk all day and even cried during the day. I think I have a hard time with the fact that most people are having another baby at this point and I am not....no where near it. I don't have the family that most have and it makes me sad. As I am sitting here typing this, Camdon is sitting on my lap with me.....THIS MAKES MY DAY SO MUCH BETTER AND THE GLOOMY PART IS FORGOTTEN.

Ideally I would like to find someone to spend the rest of my life with. Someone who not only makes me feel amazing, but that can make Camdon feel just as good. I know that some day I will have someone in my life, some day I will have another child and some day my life with be as I have always dreamed it to be. Until that day I am grateful for what I do have. I have a job, I have my health, I have friends and family that love and support me. I have many true blessings in my life but the main thing I do have is MY SON! My wonderful, amazing child who loves unconditionally and reminds me every day that things really aren't that bad.