Climbing the ladder

I have officially hit a rough patch. I have hit the bottom and need to climb the ladder to get out, but can't seem to find the ladder. Anyone have one I can have use? I am not sure how long it will take me to climb, so if this is only a short time offering please don't bother, I really appreciate it but I am looking for a semi permanent offer.

I know that I am not the only one in this economy struggling and there are so many worse off, which I need to remember but am having such a hard time doing that right now. I mean I have my health and my sons health, I have a job and I have family and friends, what more do I need right? MONEY I know I have a job that produces money, but it just isn't cutting my bills right now. I am looking into getting a second job just to help with the strain, but how do I do that as a single parent? I either miss out on time with my son or I miss out on sleep, both which are very important parts of my life. I have gone so far as to even look for assitance but they claim I don't "qualify" for anything. I don't qualify as a single parent working and trying so hard to have a better life. So the way I see it right now is that the only one's that qualify for assitance are those that either sit at home all day not even trying to make thier life better or those that lie and steal to beat the system and don't need the help. How sad that someone who isn't trying to make life a better place for them or thier family is able to get help from the state but someone who is just looking for a little help temporarily is denied. Completely makes sense!

I know I signed up to being a single parent, because I knew that there wasn't going to be any help from anyone else. I didn't sign up for the struggle that I am going through right now though. I knew I wasn't going to have it easy, but this is far from easy.

I had to tell my best friend that I couldn't be a part of her wedding anymore......that was one of the hardest things I think I have ever done. It is not only a privilege to be part of someones wedding but it is exciting. I just can't afford the dress, alterations, hair, makeup and lodging for the 3 nights I would be up there on top of food and drinks and anything else I am missing. I know that I have disappointed her for dropping out, but I have also disappointed myself for not being reliable and as good of a friend as I try to be. I am not sure which was worse...disappointing my best friend or myself. I have never been married, engaged with my high school sweetheart but that was ended, so I can't say I understand how she feels I can only imagine. This is her priority and special day and here I am taking a piece of the puzzle away from her but in the same instance she needs to realize that my family's well being is my priority and deciding that I can't afford it is a HUGE thing. If I were to go through with being in her wedding I would be getting myself further into debt, which I am trying to get out of, along with taking from my child (food on the table, milk in his cup, food on his back, gas in the car to get us around) more than is already missing with the lack of money I have.

Walk in my shoes for a day...that is all I ask of anyone. Learn how it is to be me and than reconsider your thoughts. I work full time and I am a full time single parent....I put more hours in in a day than most do in a week. I don't get to just get up and go when I want to. I don't get to run to the store alone or just have a day of laying in bed watching movies. I don't get to just have 5 minutes to myself unless I walk up at 430 am. I don't get to just say "sure" when asked to do something with friends, I need to get a babysitter first. I don't get to do these things because I decided to have a child. I decided to become a parent and raise this little person to be the best person they could be. I don't get to do things because I made a decision 3 1/2 years ago and I would never change that decision in my life.

I have grown so much in the 3 1/2 years. I have become a responsible person, although some would disagree since I am struggling so much right now. I am not into the scene I was in before and am not with the same irresponsible group I was with. Life is a priority again, my actions are a priority in my life, my family and friends are a priority in my life. I have worried about others for so long that I have forgotten about me. I need to start putting me in the 10 ten list everyday or I am going to become lost and never found. I guess I need to put up a wanted list that would say something like this:
WANTED
A stable ladder that can either be used for an indefinite time. I will not be able to pick it up and will need it dropped off at the following address......my deep dark hole I am in. Thanks in advance for any help.

Life will get better for me, I know it will. I believe that my angels up above are watching over me and they will guide me in the right direction. It will take some time, it will be painful but it will all end up in the right place. Nothing good comes without pain and this is just one of those pains I need to endure until it is over. I am truly becoming a believer in GOD again, slowly I am getting to where I 100% believe he is always around and does things for reasons unknown, but each thing does have a reason. I believe that GOD has his eye on me and won't let anything truly go wrong with this plan, but he might let me go on the long bumpy path. Whichever way I get there, I just need to remember that life will get better and that I do have a lot in my life. I do need to be grateful for what I have even if it is hard to see it all right now.