Wednesdays Walk

Last week I stopped at the day I found out I was pregnant...so now I will continue on from there.

DISCLAIMER: This is not a very good story, kind of depressing sad and does contain events that most people don't choose to go through in their lives. This is the way my life WAS and is in no way, shape or form how my life currently is.

I decided that I was going to continue with my gut decision no matter how hard it was going to be and how much I am going to have to give up. Sleeping Beauty and I had ended it at that point and we were going our separate ways.

I decided to tell Sleeping Beauty, who at this point has run away from the situation, that I was keeping the baby. He did not like my decision and decided to tell me that I wasn't thinking about what he wants and that it is unfair that I am not taking his thoughts into my decision. I didn't really care too much that day since I knew he wasn't going to be around for this. A few days later he called me up and wanted to talk about this. I left work for a little bit so we could go talk in private. When we got to my house he asked if this is truly what I wanted (to keep the baby). I responded with yes, this was my final decision and that is what I am not changing it. I also informed him that I made this decision with the complete understanding it was MY choice and that he didn't need to be a part of this if he didn't want to be. He then told me that if this was truly what I wanted then he wanted to be a family and was going to do what he had to to make it work (gullible me believed that).

Sleeping Beauty and I started hanging out again and talking and being a couple. Things were actually starting to look up for once and our family was being to be. A few days pass and SLAM right into the wall. Life was back to what it was before and Sleeping Beauty was back to all his tricks; staying out late, cheating on me with a new girl each night/week, not coming home, drinking, drugs, lying, etc. Most people think it is easy to leave in a situation like that....but not for me. When you are pregnant your hormones are all over the place, and me being me....well I am the type of person that sees good in all and is always helping others who need to be helped. I was going to be the one to fix him and make him all better. He was going to realize that the baby and I were what he needed and POOF he would be the perfect man. Well ladies and gentlemen, my wound apparently was broken because each time I went Abracadabra the opposite thing would happen but I never saw that until now.

We started fighting, me basically I was fighting for my family and he was basically fighting for who knows what the life he was living. I would keep allowing him back into my life each and every time he did something to hurt me. I was always under the belief that this is the time he is going to realize what he is missing....this is it. He always knew what to say to win me back and he always knew what to say to hurt me and break my heart each time.

So basically 4 months pass of this, 4 months of us getting a long for a week of so and then fighting horribly. We found out we were having a boy at this point and we were back to living together. Hey that was a step in the right direction of being a family....RIGHT? Wrong, it was just so he could have a place to stay.

Are you ready for the good fun part?

One night at the end of February I received a phone call in the middle of the night, not really anything different as I was usually woken up with a phone call or a few stones being thrown at the window to let him in. This phone call was different though...it was from a PRIVATE number so I let it go to voicemail. I listened to the message instantly and this is what I heard "Hello this is Blank from the Manchester Police Department, we recently recovered a vehicle registered to you and need you to call us back". UH WHAT HAPPENED TONIGHT? So I call back and talk to the police officer/detective and am was asked if I had lent anyone my vehicle and I said yes it was lent to my boyfriends friend (since Sleeping Beauty had a suspended drivers license). They then asked if I knew someone named George and I had said no I had lent the vehicle to a kid we will call S. Well apparently the person driving the truck had left a local bar in Manchester and was sitting at a red light waiting to turn green. The driver squealed the tires and then hit the curb and bounced back into the road so the police stopped the vehicle. The person driving, George, was asked to do some sobriety tests and failed them. The driver was also asked numerous times what his name was and he kept telling them it was George XXXX, just like the id showed. The cops didn't believe him and put him in the patty wagon to go to the police station. S, the friend was let go and was told to go find a phone to make his call for a ride. The police eventually figured out that George was really Sleeping Beauty...NICE HUH!?

So sleeping Beauty was able to make his one phone call and he called me. He wasn't being released because he was on probation still and broke that by driving while intoxicated, using a false ID, etc. So now the father of my baby is sitting in jail and I would be attending my very first (of many) court appearances for this. I needed to attend so I could find out what was going on and what my future was now going to be looking like. Well Sleeping Beauty ended up going to jail because his bail was being held and for 2 months straight I visited him every Monday morning at 8 am. We were able to have phone calls, since I set an account up and had to keep putting money into, that were only to last 10 minutes and daily letters were sent. This was one of the most stressful times of my pregnancy but it was also a relief knowing where he was each and every night (that was the part that I enjoyed the most).

At my next appointment the doctor informed me of a finding during the ultrasound, basically they found a spot on the babies diaphragm area and needed to do some further checking into this. They would need to schedule another ultrasound to check it out....GREAT I am dealing with jail and a possible complication with my son's life, my world was falling apart as I knew it. I went to the ultra sound a wreck, worried and nervous. With the 2nd ultrasound they found that it was a calcification. This can be a sign of Cystic Fibrosis and they wanted to monitor this to see if it would change as the pregnancy went along or if it stayed the same. In order to be sure it wasn't Cystic Fibrosis they needed to keep monitoring it.....so I had to schedule another ultra sound. During the 3rd ultrasound the doctor didn't see any change in the size, which is amazing since the baby was obviously growing inside me and the spot wasn't. He said that I should be in the free and clear and there was no reason to have another ultra sound done. PHEW, what a relief but it wouldn't be out of my mind until he was born and I saw it first hand.

1 week before Camdon's birth day was when it was realized that Sleeping Beauty couldn't be kept in jail and that bail had to be set (apparently it was a new law not everyone was aware of). So a court date was set yet again and bail was set at $20,000 in which his grandmother put up her house and then some to get him bailed out....because we both thought that he learned his lesson and being stuck in jail while I was pregnant with the chance of missing it all made him wake up. I am telling you he knows what to say to whom to get what he wants. About 3 days after being out of jail on bail, he is back to his old ways....staying out all night, hanging out with people he shouldn't be, drinking, etc. I was having contractions and actually sent him a text one night while he was out saying that and was told "you are fine."

The day he decided to come back again was May 8th. He stopped by my work for the key to the apartment (he was never given a key so he couldn't get in when he wanted). He was with his good old friend S and I told Sleeping Beauty that he better be at the house when I got home from work because we had a lot to talk about. I finished my day at the office, in which I was having contractions but I was 4 weeks away so I chalked them up to being braxtonhicks. I got home and he was still there with S, who I told needed to leave. We ended up talking and I basically told him that he needed to cut the junk he was doing or he could pack his stuff and leave. He decided that he was "done and just needed to get one more party out of the way and he had done that".

We ended up watching movies that night and I was trying to relax. We eventually went to sleep that night. I woke up in the middle of the night, just like you do when you are pregnant (one of the worse parts of being pregnant I think) and went in the bathroom to pee. I thought I was finished when there seemed to be more, very strange. I went back in the bedroom and woke Sleeping Beauty to tell him I think my water broke. He told me I was again fine and to go back to bed. I just knew something was wrong, so I stood up and WHOOSH a river was running down my legs. I called the doctor's office and started packing my bag since I still had 4 weeks to go. I couldn't think of what to pack and honestly did a HORRIBLE job at it, I forgot everything needed (toothbrush, deodorant, shampoo, etc).

Holy Moly this is a long post....I guess I will finish another day.